Part 2 – Infants (3-11 months)
Start As You Mean To Go On
I think this saying is one of the most useful mantras in childrearing. Children grow and change and we have to adjust with them but once kids have seen the Promised Land, they rarely give it up without a fight. This is true regardless of whether we’re talking about getting that candy in the check out aisle, making everyone laugh when they fart in church, or sleeping in the bed with their parents. If you’ve ever known a kid ever, you know I’m right. So start as you mean to go on and save your energy for other fights.
What does that have to do with your baby’s sleeping? Basically, it’s time to start some sleep training. Now everything I’m going to talk about going forwards assumes that your child is growing and developing normally. If your child has special health or developmental issues, please talk with your provider about any sleep issues.
Babies in this age group are generally sleeping 9-11 hours a night and taking several naps a day. Their bodies and brains are growing and maturing rapidly.
- By 6 months (sometimes earlier), they no longer need to eat during the night.
- By 4-6 months, they’re starting to understand cause and effect and realize they can make things happen.
- A big cognitive change happens around 7-8 months when they develop what the behaviorists call “object permanence”. This means that they understand that something (like Mom) exists even if they can’t see it. With younger babies, it’s literally out of sight, out of mind. Once babies reach the object permanence stage, however, they get freaked out when you leave the room because they know you’re there somewhere but THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU WENT OR WHEN YOU’RE COMING BACK!!! This has major implications for sleep.
- Mom and Dad have not had a good night’s sleep for longer than they can remember and it’s time to get this show on the road.
3 to 6 months
They’re still little, they still need to eat in the night, and they’re still in the room with you. While you really can’t spoil a baby this young, this is the age where bad habits are born. Remember that object permanence thing? That’s your deadline. Right now, all your baby understands is that they need something, they cry, and poof here’s mom. What’s coming is, they need something, HOLY COW, WHERE DID MOM GO? SHE WAS HERE WHEN I WENT TO SLEEP THE WOLVES ARE GOING TO EAT ME HELP HELP, well, hey, look at that! Mom came when I screamed, let’s party!
Basically, it’s time to start thinking about where you want your baby to sleep when they’re a toddler and how hard you want it to be to put them to sleep and start working towards that goal while they’re still cute and little and you haven’t had to hit the tequila bottle yet. Do not delude yourself even a little that you can let your child sleep in the bed with you when he’s a baby and then easily move him out when you (or more likely Dad) get tired of it. Start as you mean to go on. So, here are the steps to start taking:
- Actively work on putting the baby down to sleep drowsy but awake. This is probably the single most important thing you can do. I can almost guarantee that if he falls asleep with a nipple in his mouth or while being rocked, he will not be able to put himself back to sleep once that nipple or the rocker is gone. This goes for all caretakers including daycare and grandma.
- Nighttime feeds should be as businesslike as possible. Don’t turn on the light, no singing, just feed and back to bed. If your baby doesn’t seem very interested in the feeding, see if soothing alone will help her get drowsy enough to fall back asleep.
- If you are not planning on having your child in your room/bed for the foreseeable future (by which I mean until they’re 10), now’s the time to move them to their own room. If it makes you nervous, get one of those video baby monitors that you could oversee a moon landing with so you can see every movement (I actually think those things are overkill and make parents super anxious, but at least the baby is in his own room).
- Once the baby has been moved to her own room, the only reason she should sleep anywhere else is illness (or other safety reasons such as snakes in the room). Please don’t confuse her by letting her sleep with grandma when she’s visiting or with you when Dad’s out of town. You’re trying to set good sleep habits here, not help the adults sleep when they want a snuggle.
- By now, your baby should have a fairly consistent bedtime and bedtime routine. Routine is important at this age and will be vital in the toddler years, so set yours now. Bath, jammies, read a story, have a last feeding, rock, kiss, and in bed before they’re asleep!
7-11 months
So, they’re still little, they’re still cute, but they are definitely developing a mind of their own! That object permanence thing has kicked in as well the understanding of stranger versus self, so now we have full blown separation and stranger anxiety. They can sit or pull up in their beds so now we get the big weepy I’m in jail eyes when they look through the crib bars. And if they weren’t good sleepers before, things are probably getting worse. Kids with persistent sleep issues at this age often require some version of crying it out to get them over the hump. If you don’t seem to be getting anywhere with the suggestions below, please speak with your provider for further help.
- By now, your baby should be sleeping in his own crib in his own room. If he’s not and you would like him to sleep someplace else some time before he’s in middle school, it’s Moving Day!
- Keep putting her down while she’s drowsy but before she completely conks out. We want to create good sleep associations, meaning that she associates being in her crib with going to sleep. We do not want her to associate being held or being fed with going to sleep. Most adults sleep with a pillow. Have you ever tried to sleep without one? I know people that take their own pillow with them when they travel because they can’t fall asleep without it. That’s a sleep association.
- Your baby no longer needs any nighttime feedings. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want them. I want chocolate cake in the middle of the night but I certainly don’t need it.
- Continue enforcing a regular bedtime and bedtime routine so your child knows what to expect, even on vacation and holidays. It’s just not worth it to mess up her sleep schedule and then take 2 months trying to fix it.
- Again, the only reason your baby should be sleeping someplace other than his own bed is if he’s ill and you feel you need to keep an eye on him overnight. This is likely to come back and bite you in the tush later, so keep it as minimal as possible.
Quick safety alert here. Once your baby starts pulling up in the crib, go ahead and drop the mattress to the lowest level so they can’t climb out and remove any bumper pads or other items in the crib that they can use to boost themselves up. Some children would never even consider trying to climb out of their crib but you would swear that others were bitten by that radioactive spider. The youngest patient I ever had fall out of crib was 9 months old and had a severe bleeding disorder and, of course, fell right on his head. I still think of him as Spiderman.
If your baby is not a good sleeper at this point, it’s time to talk with your provider before toddlerhood starts. As a general rule, behavioral problems only get more difficult once a child becomes a toddler and it’s so much easier to get things under control now! Enjoy the last bit of your child’s babyhood and get ready for the wild life of a toddler!
For more information on the sleeping habits of infants, call Cobb Pediatrics today at (770) 425-5331.
